I’m used to migraines with accompanying nausea, especially as it starts to get hotter outside.

Yesterday I was in a car accident. There was a moment as I was slowing down to make the turn where I saw in my rear-view that the person behind me was not slowing down, and by the point I realized that this was going to happen, that I was going to be hit, it was too late to do anything except keep my foot pressed down to the brake and hope for the best. It happened in a matter of seconds, and it was terrifying, and I’m a little heart broken for my car, but I’m alright (mostly). I went to the hospital at the urging of the friend who was with me, which I’m glad for, and until I was about to leave I didn’t get anything for any of the symptoms of slamming the back of my head against the headrest. There’s a little whiplash still and even with 800mg of motrin every 8 hours, my head’s still a foggy painful mess. For the first time in my history of headaches though, I finally have something to counter the nausea.

All things considered, it’s not as bad as it could have been. I’m alive, I was wearing my seatbelt so I didn’t end up going too far forward and slamming against either the steering wheel or the windshield (because I’m short I typically keep my seat close to both). I have/had a concussion, and ended up calling out of work because I currently don’t have a car that I can drive (and that will probably be on its way to being fixed tomorrow) and because I’m still feeling beaten up and honestly, really shaken up. I keep crying. And I know I should be happy that this is honestly the best case scenario in the event of an accident–nobody was really seriously injured, the other party was really cooperative in sharing information, the appraiser came today rather than Wednesday like I thought they would, it was in broad daylight, and I had a friend following me behind the person who rear-ended me so I wasn’t alone–but I still am exhausted and sad. I’ve had to explain what happened about 11 times (two different police departments, the RMV crash report, four different hospital staff members, two insurance reps, my mother and my grandmother), and I’m tired of going through it verbally. It’s stressful, it hurts, I can’t think clearly, and I keep having to take longer and longer to get through it.

Much like about this time last year, I’ve been listening to a lot of Vampire Weekend, and I think my relationship with a lot of the songs has changed since then because I’ve been thinking about them in a different way and they make me think about my own relationship with religion and how that’s changed and I feel like I’m getting more out of Modern Vampires of the City than I did last year. The song that was playing in my car when it happened was “Ya Hey.”

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, and I was planning on talking about Vampire Weekend (again), but I don’t have the energy to. Today was spent mostly making phone calls and printing things out and making copies of things, arranging for body work (the soonest I’ll have my car back is maybe the 20th), crying, sleeping, and trying to get my head to stop aching. Prior to this, I’ve been spending a lot of time at Borderland State Park, and I wanted to write about that, too, and a lengthy thing I’ve been writing to describe derealization and my relationship with that specific response to anxiety. Right now I’m still thinking about how worried I was that, because I was about to make a left-hand turn, I was going to end up in oncoming traffic and get hit by someone else (and that, unlike being rear-ended, would have been called my fault). I’m thinking about how I’m going to get to work and I’m thinking about how even though I made it through fairly unscathed and my car isn’t totaled like my brother’s was when he was rear-ended, it was still a fairly traumatic thing to have happened. And I’ve been thinking about how lucky I am to have the friends and family I do, who have reached out and made sure I’m okay, even ones who didn’t know about the accident because I told them, but because someone else let them know.

Eventually I’ll tally the information on the fandom survey–the survey itself is closed right now, and I have to work my way through 1000 responses.

The other take away from all of this is that, given how much time I’ve spent crying over the past 24 hours, I’ve probably been extremely stressed about everything else in my life and this is just it all coming to a head. Also, I finally know that there is something that can make my migraines more bearable, so when I go to the doctor’s office for a follow-up I’ll mention that zofran made having a concussion headache that was about on-par with a lot of the migraines I’ve had much less terrible.


Author: jillboger

Part time writer. Editor-in-Chief for the Bridge volume 13, former EIC for The Odyssey at BSU. My glasses protect my secret identity.

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