I think about the worms on the sidewalk whenever it rains and they inevitably wash up there.
At some point, when the rain is gone and their bloated bodies sit on the concrete, wondering maybe (if they’re not already dead) whether or not they can get home, back to the dirt where they live. Instead, the sun comes back out and dries them, leaves them as long, thin lines baked onto pavement. This happens every time it rains and no worms think anything of it.
In any case, it’s the third day of May (and I only have seven days until I am done student teaching) and it has rained since Sunday. There are too many worms on the ground, flooded out, and I’m torn between pity and disgust because, to be honest, I hate worms. They gross me out.
I am almost done and I want summer to arrive, hot and sticky and triumphant, lasting too late into October and pushing winter back into April (again). I want summer to be here and I want to see white tan lines on my feet from where the straps of my sandals overlap (I’ve taken to gladiator sandals after years of not wanting to show my toes at all), and I want to be warm.
Over April, I slacked a lot in keeping up with my fitness/health goals, so I rewrote them for this month. By the end of this month, I won’t be the editor-in-chief for my campus’s Odyssey anymore, so maybe I’ll have more time to get back into shape. Once it stops raining, I’ll be able to go running more. I’m going back to cutting out sweets again, cutting out alcohol (although it was a two week stretch where I was drinking again after two months of not doing so), and trying to add more greens in again since I’m pretty sure my iron count is low. I’ll keep Thoreau in mind and drink more water. As long as it gets warmer, I’ll be able to go hiking, and then maybe I won’t see snakes this time.
I can’t help the sense of uneasiness I feel whenever I see those worms on the sidewalk, because there’s just as much a possibility of me getting wash up and washed out, left on a shoreline bloated and wet to die. I’m not a worm, but there are plenty of people I know who haven’t been able to get out successfully. Maybe the rain will be like my student debt, drowning me as soon as I leave the safety of school. I still have to apply for the forgiveness program offered to teachers, and I’m scared of getting overwhelmed by bills. In school, I haven’t been able to save very much money because I’ve been busy paying the leftover bill for each semester, and I’ve had living expenses, too, so I’m not even sure how long I’ll be able to go on for.
Alright, maybe I am one of the worms.
There’s a lot of things I have to do in preparation for life after graduation still (hi, grad school, hi, loan repayments, hi, adulthood), and I’ve done approximately 15 percent of it.
In any case, I think I can be ready for it; I’m pretty good at thinking on my feet, and I am still taking short story commissions if anyone is interested in that kind of thing. I’m probably going to deactivate my Patreon because it hasn’t done anything for me and I’d rather do an actual release of that collection of short poems I wrote.
Maybe the sun will be out by the time the school day is over today, and maybe I won’t have to worry about not stepping into a puddle while leaving. Maybe.