I’m thinking about getting rid of a lot of my stuff.
It’s something that’s been a long time coming, because for one thing, I have too much stuff to begin with, and for another thing, I’m moving and don’t want to bring it all with me. So far I’ve gotten rid of (or am currently getting rid of) 25 of the over 1k books I own and a bag of clothes. I’m trying to think about things I absolutely want to keep and there’s not a lot of it.
I’d like to kind of start off fresh—Thoreau tells us to “Simplify, simplify, simplify,” but I’m still a pretty materialistic person, so there’s only so much I’m willing to part with. Maybe some jewelry—I don’t have a lot that I want to keep. Arts and craft supplies—I don’t do a lot with it anymore. I’ll keep a couple rolls of wrapping paper and most of my notebooks, because I always need more of those. There’s some stuff I need to get rid of from my attic, and probably some furniture. I think I need a smaller bureau.
When I get rid of things, it’s like a purging act. I’ve got so much that I don’t want to hold onto, mostly because it’s not me anymore. I know I’ll hold onto my comics despite not buying new ones anymore, because I have an attachment to them—my dad bought the majority of them—and I’ll keep my dad’s Star Wars books, but there are a lot of other things up for grabs.
I’m tired of things. I’m tired of the anxiety that comes with having things and I’m tired of having to worry about whether or not it’s okay to get rid of things I don’t like just because someone gave them to me. Simplify, simplify, or whatever. I’m not going to live out in the woods, and honestly, where I’m going, I probably will have more room than I have now—but I’m tired of feeling cluttered.
Maybe it would be better to just go to the woods. It’s fine except for the bugs.
In any case, there’s a lot of paperwork that needs to be shredded, too, and a lot of receipts I should just probably scan and put on a flash drive in the event that I ever get audited (I probably won’t) so I don’t have to keep things from 2014 or, in some cases, earlier.
There are some things that I could probably sell, but I don’t really feel like doing it. I’ll count them as donations, same as clothing and probably anything else I get rid of. There’s too much going on and I’m hoping that if I can just reduce some of this, I can start focusing on the internal. Things are better when there aren’t a lot of external distractions.
I have to go to a donor dinner party tonight, and that’s another thing that has me so anxious that I’m breaking out in hives. In theory, I probably could have brought someone with me, but I’m not sure who I would have asked, or if anyone would have said yes. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to wear to this thing, so I’m going to assume it’s the same kind of thing I’d wear if I wanted to look extra-professional. There’s another thing: You’ve got to have at least two different kinds of wardrobes if you’re working, and I don’t like that the kinds of clothes I would normally wear are not the same kinds of clothes I can wear while teaching (I’m not sure parents would appreciate their students learning from someone wearing ripped leggings and a homemade Satan’s Fingers t-shirt). That makes the whole job of getting rid of clothes even more difficult.
So I’ll go to the donor dinner, probably by myself, unsure of exactly what I should be wearing, and all the while I’ll be listing in my mind the things that I need to get rid of, things I absolutely must keep, and try to make small talk all the while.